Behind The Scene

Okay, please brace yourselves because I will be sharing you a story that I have never told anyone about. As am I’m writing this, one of my stocks is diving and to be honest I want to let it be. It’s fun to dive anyway but  I’m not noob dear. It’s a part of my plan. Anyway, here’s the story. 

When I was in college, I got into a major production, not as a person in the backstage but one of the characters. All that time, I was, as always, at the backstage, helping the actors doing their makeup thingy and doing the stage design with the other staff.  When I got the chance to act, I was so glad. My role was so vital, I guess. I was an ensemble without a name, who sang with the other ensembles. Yeah, I was not the lead role but it was a dream come true that finally I would be seen by my parents and friends on stage acting with the other lead roles. I never minded that there were only six of us when we auditioned for the role and we all got in. Actually, they still looked for more ensembles. What a coincidence!

For me, acting on stage was so much of a glamour. I just liked the image of the spotlight that at some point was focused on me. However, the culture was more than far than I expected it to be, I mean the process of being one of the ensembles. I was like a soloist that time. I mean, my voice usually went solo. You would hear me loudly even though we sang together as one. Hahaha. It was really frustrating knowing that I tried my best but because I was pressured and nervous, I was not able to do well.  Everyone in the circle was bothered that I might not get the tune even up until the last rehearsal. If that happened, I would be cut off in the production after so many sleepless nights and bothering days of practicing. The pressure was real. Day after day, I was already convinced that my reality would never come. So, I stopped fantasizing it. I stopped attending rehearsals and that was the end of it. 

I realized that I was just so much in love with the outcome— the image of me on stage, my parents being proud, the crowd clapping, me rocking out as I was pouring out my emotions into what I was portraying— but sadly, I was not in love with the process and so I quit. That was the struggle involving the fact that everyday, my surroundings reminded me of being a quitter. Deep inside, I knew could do it if and only if I pushed harder enough. Unhappily, I didn’t.

The truth was far less interesting than I thought it would be: I thought I wanted something, but it turned out I didn’t, really. End of story; however, my "what ifs" never ended.

I knew it would make me happy. However, happiness requires you to give something in return. It’s equal to your effort, struggles and most importantly— passion.

They say that you learn not from your positive experiences. You get benefits from the costs you pay. It’s not enough to want something enough, it’s also important you enjoy the process of wanting, through thick and thin, through ups and downs. Wow, maybe this is the sign that I’m getting more matured. Big word!

image
The Road To Happiness by Leonid Alfremov

I’m not a college student anymore. I get tougher, wiser, and bolder in a world of more. In the phase of life that I’m in, being a trader, investor or whatever I call myself, the realization still bangs in my head. Gaining more in trading is winning. Everyone is happy to gain. That’s the goal after all. Traders mesmerize having a six digit gain in just one sitting, who else does not? Right? Right? EVERYONE in the fora or on Facebook groups wants to have amazing portfolio gains– but NOT EVERYONE is WILLING to have large amount of losses. Everybody wants financial freedom– but NOT EVERYONE is WILLING to offer time in learning things to make them financially independent and NOT EVERYONE is WILLING to  have the lifestyle that they can just afford. Everybody wants to ride soaring stocks every time– but NOT EVERYONE is WILLING to burn the midnight candle in spotting a winning stock, to eat charts, and to go through the emotional and psychological disturbance to get there and so they settle to their level, asking what good stocks to buy. Edi WOW!

Sometimes these lines come to my mind:

I want to be her...    
       to be him...
       to be that ginyouz...
       to be that shaman...
       to be that gain photo-shopper... LoL 

Most of the time, all I want is to be ME at least. Dreaming of having the same gains they have, but am I really willing to go through the struggles they went through? 

It's because for that reason, I am going to be defined by the values that I'm just willing  to struggle for.

So if I were to ask a question to each trader or investor, I would not ask the question, “What do you want out in your trading journey?” The answers would probably much the same as the others. Answers like, “I want to be financially independent,” “Having more time with my family without sacrificing the finances or work,” “Travelling around the world while my money is working for me,” and so on. They would probably have a common rhythm. Instead, I would ask, “How much pain can you bear?” “How much losses can you take?” and “What struggles are you willing to go through?” Their answers would surely blend in the game. Interesting! 

It has been three weeks when I started my formal training in Technical Analysis so to speak. It’s never easy in my part and in my mentor’s part. Given our different time zones and work schedules, you won’t really imagine us having a class at four in the morning, Manila time, but we do. I feel even more grateful when I know that my mentor really had a bad day but still handled the class so well. The frustrations are so real when I cannot really make both ends meet in terms of my focus in other things that I do since I still have my freaking full time job and other responsibilities. I just get frustrated that’s it, I won’t complain. Never. I love every part of where I’m heading. Muah!

The time when I badly wanted something back in college was really different today. I am ready to face any hindrances that may come. It might be my own frustrations, ego, personal schedule, slow Internet connection and sleepless nights. Name it I’m in! For I know that it’s worth more that gold, I won’t go back in my “what if days” when things got harder and I surrendered. 

By the way,  this was my portfolio in my practical exam:

(ZS/AOTS/PUA/Combination of all MA set ups and Osmosis)

13247703_1345374458809719_6597554889192128531_o

At first, my mentor and I just had casual classes. He would open the topic, ask creative questions that made me think like I’m of them then give me homework. As the classes go by, I can say that our mentor and mentee relationship is getting more interesting.  He just laughed like this “haha” before. Nowadays, he’s able to have his laugh this long, “hahahahaha” when something really funny comes out in the class. Yeah, I consider that. LOL. He was also able to commend me when I got a stock that I bought on May 17th and it gave me a seven percent gain. That was a music to my ears though. I want to improve badly and I want him to be proud of me. Those surely add points to my desire to be successful.

Then my portfolio looks  like this now. 

UPDATE_2

I don’t want to justify my loses. It’s all my will but I’m not pleased with it, of course. My mentor didn’t say anything about it anyway, since he’s also busy with his trades. I’m all good.

I foresee many struggles, sleepless nights, and huge amount of losses in the future to come. How about you? Have you chosen your struggles? Make sure to choose them wisely. 

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Published by

Paftee

Sometimes I feel quite smart. Other times I have to sing the "A,B, C's" in my head to remember which letter comes next. That's me.

7 thoughts on “Behind The Scene”

  1. Dude it backed me at that moment. This article is very inspiring. Experiences do teach us many ways when we see it in right perspective. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

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