Who The Hell is Paftee?

To those who were asking for my FB¬†account, I am so sorry…I don’t usually use my troll account. I don’t even have time to browse my real account what more on my troll. LOL. I also end up reading nonsense posts for no reasons. I might also read some funda news and get hyped. ūüė¶ I try to avoid those as much as possible so that my sanity wouldn’t be taken away. I need it more please. hahaha


Also, I equate things that will matter most of my time and will have a huge impact two to five years of my existence in planet earth, that is also why I already quit my job, not because I was already freaking good at trading, I am still in the process of knowing myself…yah know, but because it does not help me in achieving my goals anymore. Instead, it hindered me to have an ample time in making my analysis and know myself in the market further.

I’m at my twenties and life without a job is hard and scary when you belong in the sandwich generation. However, life without a goal is scarier.


A teacher by profession, I was paid based on time not based on the result of how I taught. I hate it so much when, my best was not even compensated and yet others were recognized because of my work. Not to complain since I love teaching, I just felt so used. I received approximately twenty thousand a month without benefits for years minus the damages I did because of my wrong decisions concerning money. Yeap, low salary plus huge debts equals agony. Still breathing though, a good sign to put myself together again for all the mistakes I had done.

I have some questions and if you don’t mind,¬†you can give your answers in the comment section below.¬†

What would you do¬†when you’re raised without having a mindset of an investor or a wealthy person yet you have you have big dreams¬†of becoming one?

How would you still pursue trading when you failed at it not once but a lot of times and your love ones still mock you and keep reminding you about those failures and encourage you to look for a more stable job?

How would you tell the people around you that you can make it while they believe trading is a gambling and only for those with money to spare? And for them, the only way for you to be the person you want to become is to find a decent job and be faithful to the company you work with.

Moreover, how about the battle in your head that says, “Yeah, hmm…maybe they are right?”


Looking back,¬†I was lucky to be chosen by Boss Zee¬†as one¬†of the bastards. He gave me a pass to the beautiful world of good people. He is a simple man with a big heart. I admire this man so much. I was luckier to be mentored by Sir Isiah Matthew Go. He was so cool back in our session days and mind you, he has recently welcomed freedom away from the corporate slavery to become a full-time trader. And, em¬†the luckiest when I became one of Kap’s students in IMPACT¬†for free. I was able to witness her teaching live. There’s so much passion in what she does and every puzzle I had in my mind about trading was made whole because of her. She’s also beautiful.

There are so much blessings to be wasted. They don’t even equate to the challenges I have. Because of them, my future is brighter. They didn’t even ask me anything in return. I commit myself to help them with the best that I can in doing their RAKs whatever it takes not because I need to pay them back but because it always reminds me that I am blessed and there are more people who need help. It also increases my gratitude for what the Lord has made me become in spite of all the challenges I face.

I don’t only write this for my readers, if there are any LOL, to know who Paftee is but for traders who are still corporate slaves having less time and still paying debts, for employees¬†who commit themselves to fulfill their passion yet less compensated, for some who are still fighting an inner battle of failures in life and for some who simply have a dream of being financially independent.

By the way, I’m not yet trading full-time because my capital is still small but the good news is it’s the goal.

Here are my port snaps this month of February.


I suck at selling so I was just able to sell Bloom with 2% gains.

“What’s your best trade?”
“The next one.”

-ZFT Kidlat

Anyway, there are still a room from improvements so…


This time I was able to sell AT with 17% gains. I was on GTC mode and I just found out last Tuesday it got hit.


and lastly….


here’s a screenshot before the market opened earlier…


PSPC with 47% gains… woah!!!


Please do the math nalang hahaha… I was not able to capture the moment when it hit 47% since the events were so fast and PSPC just got lost in my equity folder when it was already filled at 2.30.

I cannot fathom how I would be performing in the market without my mentors. They are the ones whom I look up to. Thank you mentors!! Muah muah chup chup!

I wish I was able to pass some hope to you who are struggling in the market right now.

Kota na bes.

God bless us all.



LC and My Learning Chronicles

I was waiting for the stop light¬†at Dela Rosa St. corner Amorsolo to give me a go so I could cross the street when I overheard two cute creatures talking loudly…

Girl: (she was holding her phone on her right hand while smashing Pagurl¬†using her left)¬†Tang*** mo bakla! naka go pa!¬†Mamamatay ako nito eh! P%()#Q*%@ mo naman eh! (as if Pagurl was accountable for her life to be protected while she was focusing on her phone doing I dunno what…)
Pagurl: (s/he pointed out a lady who just crossed the street while the stop light was still red and was about to follow her)¬†P*t*! Eh ung babae sinusundan ko… bobo eh! Tumawid naka gow chi! Ang bubu!
Girl: Hue hue hue! (she has a unique way of laughing)

They looked at me because maybe I was looking at them then Pagurl said this as if s/he was talking to me…

Pagurl: Diba noh? T#_(%)*@&*! Ang bob@ ni ate!
Me: Hahahahaha! (enjoying their cursing session of the world at the historical crossing of Makati Med)

So Paf, how is this related?

This scenario showed me a flash of what I learned in trading so far. Let’s talk about¬†the characters…

The Girl: She was holding her phone without knowing her friend was taking her to a pit and upon realizing it, she cursed her friend for doing it so.

The Pagurl: S/he was about to follow the lady even s/he was aware of what’s happening around them. S/he was also cursing the lady about her decision to cross even though it was still a red light.

The Lady: She broke the rule by beating the red light even it could cost her life. Luckily, she successfully made it without scratches. The traffic officer just shouted at her and was about to ask her to sing the national anthem. She was just quick so she was not caught. Good for her.

Me: Excuse me please. I was just lurking and learning. ūüėõ

Let’s take it into the trading perspective.

Those characters seem to be the stages of my learning pace in trading.

I was once the girl who didn’t know what I was doing and I depended¬†my trades on the hypes of the market. Cursing the gurus and the guru wanna bees for my trades. P@$#)8^! po kayo na still nanghhype on peysbuk! LOL

Next, I became the Pagurl who was a bit cautious about hypes. I started to observe what others were doing wrong and right, also I was learning from them including my past experiences of what I’d seen on the market.

Last, I was once the lady who didn’t care if my rules and plans in my trades were met even it could cost me a lot of money maybe because of frustrations. For The Lady, she was able to cross successfully but me, I was at a loss and still recovering from it.The traffic officer was like the mentors we have now in the tribe. They keep on bashing, supporting and guiding us to be better traders in the long run. Love you mentors!


I guess I am having the transition of being The Lady to a better version of The Lady herself.


The lady didn’t care about what others would think about her decision. She decided on her own action because in that moment, there was a heavy traffic and anyone could really cross the street. She was brave enough to hear the bashing and cursing of others. She walked on her own, independently flipping her hair back and forth.


I want to be more¬†of THE LADY 2.0 who can decide for herself… who can stand for herself about what she thought was the “right thing”… who doesn’t care about what others think and does what she thinks should be at her pace.

I should be heading to that.


¬†Here’s my LC trade.

Why did I buy it in the first place?


I bought LC because by looking at it the momentum was good, it broke 0.21 and was breaching the breakout. I was also finding a good base so that I could just sit back and relax if and only if it broke but as of now it hasn’t, so…


Because of the¬†loss of momentum in LC and its thick resistance I decided to cut +-4% of that position even though it was within the range. That’s all.

BTX nalang if¬†it breaks…

No worries, I was able to buy a good position right after.


Pakota na please.


Ano kaya nyare kay Girl, Pagurl at the Lady?



That is tragic if you have the same average as mine and still has this.

However, this is juicy for others… hmmm not for me.. breakout lang meeee… ayawww… breakout lang talaga promiseeeeee!!! ūüėÄ

Beyond Price Levels

Everyone had the chance, but there were only two people left standing.

“Wing Chun!!!Wing Chun!!!¬†Wing Chun!!!” screamed¬†the ZFT crowd.

A¬†Wing Chun Master from the Bastards went¬†to go on a battle with a¬†Swabe Master from the Invicta batch to get the¬†title for being the calmest trader to master the rock, paper, and scissors war and of course, it was also for the name of the pot money worth I don’t know. ūüėõ


Every one in the crowd could not hold back their support as they saw their Wing Chun Master went on a war. We witnessed some favoritism here as if we had placed a bet. hahaha

Kap was in the middle of everyone to control the ranging crowd so that the blood may not scatter on the battle field. Nice try Kap.

It was so intense.

Wing Chung Master -0
Swabe Trader-3

As the poker faced Wing Chun Master was about to be defeated…

Sir Lancelot said, “Wait! Wait! There was something magical on how this match¬†was done.¬†Let’s have one last blow!”¬†

Hoping that Master Wing Chun would regain his strenght, there came the last blow…


Everyone got their face with disappointments for the odds of the crown were not in their favor. It was a cut loss for our ever dear Wing Chun Master. OOhhhhh! There… there… You will always be forever in our hearts. ūüė•

Congratulations Master Swabe! That was indeed a great game!

A lot of ZFTs came from a far just to take part in the first ever ZFT Christmas Party. They were all good looking wearing their best OOTDs.


Hey folks, I was wearing white there. Guess who. ūüėõ

Even though I was a shy-type kiddo, I met a baker, a student, a cook, an IT, an engineer, an educator, an OFW, an organizer, a manager, a doctor, a businessman, full time traders, a father and a lot more. I told you, I was a shy type, yeap! I met different faces that I didn’t imagine I would be meeting. Faces with different backgrounds but heading towards the same goal, that’s absolutely to be a consistent profitable trader with a heart coz if not, I don’t know what is. ‚̧

Still, I couldn’t fathom¬†that I am¬†a part of it. A part of something greater, a group that molds life, imparts values, and most of all, a family.


I cried.

I initially thought it was money that keeps this group alive but it’s not, absolutely not. I tell you, there are¬†still some of us struggling in finding ourselves given that Ms. Market likes to dive for months. There are still some of us losing at the same time learning, and realizing a lot deep within ourselves but then again finding fortress under the guidance of the mentors who had been where we, newbees exactly are, is¬†a great relief.

It’s all about the passion, the perseverance, the urge of each member to survive and live with the lovable market that we trade. It’s all about the people who support and believe in the values of The Tribe to build a better community of traders trading with a purpose. No recos, bulongs, gurus, hypes nor tips would be heard from anyone. I haven’t seen Boss Zee being furiously angry and I don’t wish to be, but those things would probably make him become and no one of us would dare to trigger.

Well, you would only hear some¬†updates about the latest love teams of the tribe and that’s all.


It was indeed a great night to remember. I wish to witness more cakes to be cut next year and the years to come.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year folks!



One evening in the bastards’ hideout, ¬†Kapitan Kidlat sent us this message.

2016-12-20_14-58_Bastards of ZFT.jpg

Every word in this message impacted me and gave me the urge to grab it. Beforehand, my mentor and I were already talking about this. However, since my means already got its TP, I was not able to register. I pumped my mentor a lot of messages to help me and so he did.

I met Kap in the Rift Live, we shared the same table without me knowing it was her. After the event, ZFTs met for the very first time. Kapitan was introduced by the Big Boss at the last part of the meeting. We were all shocked that it was her, even I, because I  asked her who she was in the hallway and she said that I would find it out later.


She looked calm and easy going with a touch of mystery. My mentor was really curious about her. They were all curious about what she was like, how tall she was and how serious she was when she spoke. I realized that we met her differently. I met her not in the trading world with no fluctuating charts allowed. We first crossed paths on a lax trip where every ZFT enjoyed the company of finally just being together.

I didn’t see her¬†as a strict, precise and systematic mentor they described her¬†to be, not after I was granted the slot she had given me through my ever good looking mentor, IMG.

2016-12-20_15-46_Bastards of ZFT.jpg

I was stunned that she mentioned my name and it was me whom she had chosen. I was even more amazed on the day she led the seminar. I saw a different Kapitan Kidlat. I guess, it was the Kapitan my mentor had met.

How is Kapitan’s IMPACT, you ask?

I can only speak as to what I have¬†seen towards her. She is full of discipline, passion in¬†trading and teaching her craft. You will certainly like to be her if you’re a fan girl of awesome traders like me. She takes everything seriously and you would not want to ask her stupid questions on Skype or on FB messenger.

Yes, you’re warned. ūüėõ

2016-12-19_23-02_ZeeFreaks- Reality Rift.jpg
Credits to Boss Zee’s blog from the rift last night

The Rift with Kapitan Kidlat

She was able to emphasize the proximity level of what trading really is for her and with that she was able to come up with a flexible system suited for her as a momentum and swing trader. Yes, she’s a momentum and swing trader. She¬†has discovered herself deeply that shapes the system she has now. From her¬†schedule on an average trading day up to her never ending cycle of how she trades, everything is seriously systematic.

You are welcome!

Kap’s¬†withdrawal schedule of her small, medium and big fund is also programmed accordingly. Her mindsets in trading a downtrend vs. trading an uptrend are remarkably different. It reminds me of the quote, ‚ÄúHow you do anything is how you do everything‚ÄĚ by T Harv Eker.

She is the epitome of discipline.

It’s so her so for the boys out there  who would take a look at her, good luck!


It also made me think that she has successfully made everything in trading her comfort zone. It’s like everything is automatic. Being committed to trading is no longer an issue for her because it is that builds her.

‚ÄúYou have to know the rules of the game and play better than everyone else.‚ÄĚ

Kapitan Kidlat

She has discovered herself deep within, her flaws, her strengths, her potentials as she listens to the whispers of the market. She has mastered retrospection of seeing the reasons of taking such trading actions.

“That’s what makes her dangerous in the¬†markets, emotionless.”

Boss Zee

After all the moments I had failed and realized that discipline and focus were the keys, I met her. She showed me more of discovering the realm of myself to continuously seek for my very own system. She keeps on inspiring me and all the ZFTs out there to do more of what we could give. We are a work in the process and we will always be for Ms. Market throws different moments every time. We are aware that following our rules is not really the soul of having successful trades. Like Kap, it’s rooted into how we create those rules given the mindset that we have which gives us the trust to follow them consistently and the process of making those rules will soon become the system that we have always heard a trader should absolutely have.


Two Key Points I Learned From The Rift Live

I know that you are dying to hear how the event went and what Boss Zee was like. However, I would not be focusing about the valuable fictional characters in the tribe as the title gave what this delayed blog post of mine would be all about. 



To give your hungry thoughts a feed,¬†¬†The Big Boss¬†was¬†not one of the speakers, he didn’t even¬†hold the microphone and showed up in public. I was also waiting for him to show up and among those big shadows on stage, I was not able to recognize his.¬†He was all behind the scene observing and lurking. He was just watching us.

Faceless hooded anonymous computer hacker



It was around 7:10 in the morning when a not super funny flying thing landed to the Queen City Of The South. I was at the peak of my excitement to fulfill two of my goals: to learn and to meet the big boss for the very first time. It was also the day my weary soul had been waiting for. The day I decided that I was on my own. No one to rely on. No one to depend on.

Experiencing big losses had made me numb while challenges in my personal life were filing up. As a bastard, I felt so much of a failure. *insert tears here*  The nights got longer and I could not help but to sleep since my eyes could just afford to rest and were not able to lay even a drop of tear. I had started questioning the universe if trading was really for me, seeking an excuse that may be I was not born to be a trader.

Awww… you said that in your head. LOL


Like everybody else, I went to learn what the speakers were about to share. Having the leap of faith that maybe that trip would change my unmotivated thoughts. I withdrew a portion of my wounded portfolio and grabbed the opportunity to be there and now, after some time of having muni-muni, I would be sharing the two thoughts I got from the event.

Here are the 2 major key points I learned from The Rift:

I should prepare to fail and why

Even I had been taught by one of the most refined traders in the tribe, I hadn’t established the routine that a disciplined trader does. Okay, please don’t wrinkle your forehead dear. I’m just being honest for not being so disciplined. I hope you don’t find yourself on my shoes coz if you do, I’m 100% sure that you’re having tough times right now in the the market.¬†


In the morning, I usually visited few charts hoping to find some good stocks to buy. Once I bought¬†a position, (of course, I already saw some potentials on buying it and I already created a plan in my head) I had a tendency to change my plan¬†depending on the play that a specific stock I thought should be played even though it wasn’t the plan I had before IN MY HEAD. Emotions were also on the table. To give you an example, try to trade after you stalk your ex’s new boyfriend¬†or your hook up’s whereabouts because he’s not interested to¬†you anymore, you would know what I was¬†talking about. BOOM.


Emotions should not affect your reasons for buying or selling. 

-ZFT Alpha Centauri from The Rift Live

Feeling so much of a genius, I just thought it would work but as everyone testified before me, it just prepared my trades to fail.

“Trade with an edge, master that edge and apply that edge consistently.”

РZFT Mesino from The Rift Live

I knew that I hadn’t established what kind of trader I am and as so my edge hadn’t been mastered. I usually changed my system from time to time. As a result, I tried many trades and I failed without tracking where I did wrong. Dreaming of becoming a profitable trader just by randomly clicking the mouse wouldn’t¬†work that way. Keeping notes of my trades is really a tedious job but there’s no other way. Monitoring inconsistently because of many excuses would just make my portfolio suffer consistently.

There, there.


Note to self: Be consistent in making your trading routine!


Not everyone would trade and why

When I was in college, I always thought about my graduation day. The day that I would finally be given me a chance to present myself as a degree holder and would outsmart everyone that were not a graduate in shitty job interviews. I was wrong… very wrong. Coming from a not so financially literate family, life had been so tough. After two¬†years, when I learned about trading, I said to myself, “I could do that. There would be no other faster way to get my dreams come true.”¬†

Not to blame the culture at which made me who I had become, I realized that I was fed to seek after my ever perfect professors so that they can judge my¬†performance and to study some answers for the exams that I would wash out in¬†my head after a week. Summing it up, those were freakin’ly¬†after building a resume and getting a job. Trading is super not like that yoh.


In trading, any weakness in character is shown and magnified under stress. It sounds vague, but extremely few hoomans ever develop a personal responsibility to a level deep enough to trade successfully and consistently. Trading is not something that a person is born with, it must be learned.

Trading is fifty percent strategy and the other half is in the mindset.

-ZFT Kidlat 

Trading requires independent decision making skills, oozing observational skills, and the inner maturity that would make you disciplined enough to carry losses and would make you consistently perform at a gain in the market that no school has ever offered.

 Em getting serious here huh.

Now, how many of you get turned down by anyone when you decided to be a trader? I may sound vague if your true desire in trading ¬†is rooted beyond making money. There is a BIG difference between¬†why most people desire money and desiring money.¬† But how does one sort this out in their 20’s before a mortgage, spouse, kids are strapped on their back?¬† When there are family and friends all advising to “grow up and get a real job”?¬† And it’s so much less work to just find a rich hot boyfriend/girlfriend to improve one’s self esteem, social peer standing and external validation (what most are really looking for). Most do not have a reason strong enough to persist – they just want to LOOK GOOD. The same reason why most go to the gym and work out.¬† They’re not training for the Olympic Trials or maintaining a health regimen – they are there to become more attractive so they can appear more successful in life (via halo effect) and hopefully have more flirty potential¬†prospects.¬†Let’s be truly honest – most traders wash out because their reason(s) for trading is superficial.¬† (Just as most will stop working out at the gym after they’re married).


Ohhh that one was looong…

As a beginner, I have also dreamed of being rich as what others say I would be in trading stocks. I should admit that. I have also heard, read and learned¬†those too good to be true promises about the market from¬†FB groups hyping newbees only to ask for subscriptions (2k lang daw a month oh), from a friend who accidentally saw a potential on ION last year but wasn’t able to ride even a candle of it, from a stock guru who sent me¬†an email asking for a 70,000 petots worth of his mentorship but giving plagiarized materials, from a seminar that had speakers¬†who showed slides about stocks which¬†flew a thousand percent gains this year just to encourage new first bloods and a lot¬†more dear.¬†Please, I would be so irritated¬†if you add more to that list ūüėõ

Don’t imagine what my face looked like when GURU¬†X showed his slide of DAVIN with ¬†a 4000% gain this year in a seminar I attended recently.


(…so GURU X you’re saying whut?)

You know what… those are ironically at odds with trading. It¬†definitely requires isolation and focus. ISOLATION and FOCUS. Isolation to know thyself better and focus to filter the important details you want to see in the charts or whatever you are using in trading.


Of course, everyone wants more money and it seems excellent to sit at home in their pajamas, clicking your fancy mouse with a good booby mouse pad, making millions. However, what does it really take to acquire the skills to actually do it consistently, every day for a career, long enough to accumulate wealth?

 You know,  everything comes with a price and the question is. What are you willing to sacrifice for your dreams?

ZFT Akio from The Rift Live

So why everyone won’t pursue¬†trading in the market you ask? That question lies with WHY¬†people do the things that they do.

My questions¬†had never been fed and my melancholic self had never been cheered until a rock woke me up from drowning in my nightmares. I would like to thank the people behind The ZeeFreaks Tribe for passing some sort of energy that I can’t explain. My life would never be the same after The Rift Live and as I end this blog post I want to leave you with this quote from Sir Henry Tan.

Replace heavy losses with determination, depression with persistence, doubting the system with discipline and lack of time with passion.

-ZFT Henry Tan from The Rift Live


Emotional Trading? Yes Please!

I have been floating nowadays, thinking which the worse one is; planning without execution or execution without planning. Hmmm..whutchatink?

Hallucination is what I have when I plan without execution. I tend to make plans to at least five¬†stocks¬†and forget them eventually. Well, it’s not intentional. It’s just that I get overwhelmed to all the stocks in the market¬†which have good set ups but I know I won’t be able to trade them. The main reason, self doubt. Then, that’s it, those stocks that I just made plans with just flew and the price action just reached¬†that level that I thought it would reach. Viola. Iyak nalang chit.

My Brain and this!


My famous lines you asked?

"I knew it."
"I told you so." 
"Kasi naman eh! Tsk tsk"
"(walang line, naka nga-nga lang)"

Wit is what I don’t have when I trade without a plan and trade¬†without following the plan. Ohhh, I didn’t say that I don’t have anything when I do those. I just have this very huge firing ball of emotion that can wipe every single grass on the grass land and set everything on fire. Viola, expect a very red portfolio if not a minute after, it must be a day after because of a witless move. A coincidence? Not really. Just plainly foolishness.

William-Shakespeare-014.pngOhhh!! Why so hard William Shakespeare?

My famous lines you asked again?

"Why is execution so hard like YOU?"
"Why can't we be the two of us?"
or just simply
"Aw! deym"

My trades lately are becoming full of emotions. I feel bad not really because I lose money but because of feeling not in control of my emotions. Em I harsh with myself? Hmmm sort of. Please tell me how to be a cyborg. Pleeatthh…

I bought my first tranche of PX at 7.38 and the next tranche must be on the next breakout but it didn’t happen because I fell asleep. DANG! I ended up chasing for my second tranche so my port became…

The plan was trend following since it broke ¬†its 52 week high. However I sold it at 8.49 ¬† last Monday because of the song Shake it off! Shake it off! Yeah! It’s still sold at a gain but then again a plan is a plan. It was also the same with EW.

Last Monday, June 13, I bought a stock because I had cash. I had a feeling that it would go up. Now, this is my port.

The plan was just on my mind. Sadly, I adjusted the plan hoping that it would go far above. Yes, it went far just…below. LELS. What’s happening to me? Why am I hyping myself? I should have hyped my mentor! LOL. If I could. Dang!

Hi,  Sir Galahad! Thank you for the moral support earlier.

Now look at this, it was yesterday, June 14.





Swak sa banga. Look at the candle today, June 15, 2016. What I told myself was, “Oh you’re right but you didn’t have positions! Nga Nga!”

After all, planning without execution is just hallucination.

Should I ban myself again and have some muni-muni?

Stay put. I’ll be right back. ROAR!

Behind The Scene

Okay, please brace yourselves because I will be sharing you a story that I have never told anyone about. As am I’m writing this, one of my stocks is diving¬†and to be honest I want to let it be. It’s fun to dive anyway but ¬†I’m not noob dear. It’s a part of my plan. Anyway, here’s the story.¬†

When I was in college, I got into a major production, not as a person in the backstage but one of the characters. All that time, I was, as always, at the backstage, helping the actors doing their makeup thingy and doing the stage design with the other staff.  When I got the chance to act, I was so glad. My role was so vital, I guess. I was an ensemble without a name, who sang with the other ensembles. Yeah, I was not the lead role but it was a dream come true that finally I would be seen by my parents and friends on stage acting with the other lead roles. I never minded that there were only six of us when we auditioned for the role and we all got in. Actually, they still looked for more ensembles. What a coincidence!

For me, acting on stage was so much of a glamour. I just liked the image of the spotlight that at some point was focused on me. However, the culture was more than far than I expected it to be, I mean the process of being one of the ensembles. I was like a soloist that time. I mean, my voice usually went solo. You would hear me loudly even though we sang together as one. Hahaha. It was really frustrating knowing that I tried my best but because I was pressured and nervous, I was not able to do well.  Everyone in the circle was bothered that I might not get the tune even up until the last rehearsal. If that happened, I would be cut off in the production after so many sleepless nights and bothering days of practicing. The pressure was real. Day after day, I was already convinced that my reality would never come. So, I stopped fantasizing it. I stopped attending rehearsals and that was the end of it. 

I realized that I was just so much in love with the outcome‚ÄĒ the image of me on stage, my parents being proud, the crowd clapping, me rocking out as I was pouring out my emotions¬†into what I was portraying‚ÄĒ but sadly, I was not in love with the process and so I quit. That was the struggle involving the fact that everyday, my¬†surroundings reminded me of being a quitter. Deep inside, I knew could do it if and only if I pushed harder enough. Unhappily, I didn’t.

The truth was far less interesting than I thought it would be: I thought I wanted something, but it turned out I didn’t, really. End of story; however, my "what ifs" never ended.

I knew it would make me happy. However, happiness requires you to give something in return. It’s equal to your effort, struggles and most importantly‚ÄĒ passion.

They say that you learn not from your positive experiences. You get benefits from the costs you pay. It’s not enough to want something enough, it’s also important you enjoy the process of wanting, through thick and thin, through ups and downs. Wow, maybe this is the sign that I’m getting more matured. Big word!

The Road To Happiness by Leonid Alfremov

I’m not a college student anymore. I get tougher, wiser, and bolder in a world of more. In the phase of life that I’m in, being a trader, investor or whatever I call myself, the realization still bangs in my head. Gaining more in trading is winning. Everyone is happy to gain. That’s the goal after all. Traders¬†mesmerize having a six digit gain in just one sitting, who else does not? Right? Right? EVERYONE in the fora or on Facebook groups wants to have amazing portfolio gains–¬†but NOT EVERYONE¬†is WILLING¬†to have large amount of losses. Everybody wants financial freedom– but NOT EVERYONE¬†is WILLING¬†to offer¬†time in¬†learning things to make them financially independent and NOT EVERYONE is WILLING¬†to ¬†have the lifestyle that they can just afford.¬†Everybody wants to ride¬†soaring stocks every time– but NOT EVERYONE¬†is WILLING to burn the midnight candle in spotting a winning stock, to eat charts, and to go¬†through the emotional and psychological disturbance to get there and so they settle to their level, asking what good stocks to buy. Edi WOW!

Sometimes these lines come to my mind:

I want to be her...    
       to be him...
       to be that ginyouz...
       to be that shaman...
       to be that gain photo-shopper... LoL 

Most of the time, all I want is to be ME at least. Dreaming of having the same gains they have, but am I really willing to go through the struggles they went through? 

It's because for that reason, I am going to be defined by the values that I'm just willing  to struggle for.

So if I were to ask a question to each trader or investor,¬†I would not¬†ask the question, “What do you want out in your trading¬†journey?” The answers would probably much the same as¬†the others. Answers like, “I want to be financially independent,” “Having more time with my family without sacrificing the finances or work,” “Travelling around the world while my money is working for me,” and so on. They would probably have a¬†common rhythm. Instead, I would ask, “How much pain can you bear?” “How much losses can you take?” and “What struggles are you willing to go through?” Their answers would surely¬†blend in the game. Interesting!¬†

It has been three weeks when I started my formal training in Technical Analysis so to speak. It’s never easy in¬†my part and in¬†my mentor’s part. Given our different time zones and work schedules, you won’t really imagine us having a class at four in the morning, Manila time, but we do. I feel even more grateful when I know that my mentor really had a bad day but still handled the class so well.¬†The frustrations are so real when I cannot really make both ends meet in terms of my focus in other things that I do since I still have my freaking full time job and other responsibilities. I just get frustrated that’s it, I won’t complain. Never. I love every part of where I’m heading. Muah!

The time when I badly wanted something back in college was really different today. I am ready to face any hindrances that may come. It might be¬†my own frustrations, ego, personal schedule, slow Internet connection and sleepless nights. Name it I’m in! For I know that it’s worth more that gold, I won’t go back in my¬†“what if days” when things got harder¬†and I surrendered.¬†

By the way,  this was my portfolio in my practical exam:

(ZS/AOTS/PUA/Combination of all MA set ups and Osmosis)


At first, my mentor and I just had casual classes. He would open the topic, ask creative questions that made me think like I’m of them then¬†give me homework. As the classes go by, I can say that our mentor and mentee relationship is getting more interesting. ¬†He just laughed like this “haha” before. Nowadays, he’s able¬†to have his laugh this long, “hahahahaha” when something really funny comes out¬†in the class. Yeah, I consider that. LOL. He was also able to commend me when I got a stock that I bought on May 17th and it gave me a seven percent¬†gain. That was a music to my ears though. I want to improve badly and I want him to be proud of me. Those¬†surely add points to my desire to be successful.

Then my portfolio looks  like this now. 


I don’t want to justify my loses. It’s all my will but I’m not pleased with it, of course. My mentor didn’t say anything about it anyway, since he’s also busy with his trades. I’m all good.

I foresee many struggles, sleepless nights, and huge amount of losses in the future to come. How about you? Have you chosen your struggles? Make sure to choose them wisely.